i can't remember why.

in the fall i tend to feel like im always falling down. during the autumn nights i realize why i want to live, yet i find the root of my sadness and inspiration here. i am learning that one must have the salt with the sugar. in the bittersweetness of my bi-polar depression, a clearer vision is created. the crispness and smokiness of fall awakens my spirit and makes me grateful for all those i love. i feel, or have noticed about myself that its always this time of year i get the most hopeless. not this time. i now understand that this is a disease, like any other, and it doesn't define me as the person i hope to be. i need to constantly remind myself that i am in charge of my life but the dark feelings inside never rest. annoying like a scratch you can't itch, its constantly on my mind weighing me down. i have found for me that the best way to live my life is doing what makes me happy. without my own happiness or zen i am worthless to anyone. If you get knocked down, crawl, but always progress to betterment.